Connections

One of the things I love the most about my Summer of Nothing is waking up, lying in bed, and deciding what I feel like doing for the day. Of course, there are some non-negotiables like coffee, meditation, reading Emerson, exercise, and a dip in some body of water, but for the large part of the day, I can do whatever I want.

One of the things I keep finding myself doing after I run but before I drink my morning green juice is cruising over to my friend Lacey's house for a morning cup or five of french press. We sit on the patio of her cottage by the beach, sip coffee, and talk about life. We talk in the way old friends do about the past, the present, the future or maybe all three because according to quantom theory they're happening simultaneously, anyway, so why not cover all bases.

I value this time because Lacey is golden and friendly and clever as hell.

Her wit rubs off on me and together we are more than the sum of our parts. We stay laughing most of the time, even if its through tears at some stupid lesson (read; mistake) one of us is going through or supposed to be learning from.

But the way she helps me look at life keeps me smiling, in check, and on my path. She never tells me what she thinks I should do, only offers mostly impartial perspectives I might otherwise fail to see.

Anais Nan says, "We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are."

Thinking can be our worst enemy at times. We are programmed with our unique schema of the world, and stepping out of our own perspective can be a challenge without the help of another. Sometimes, we need another frame of refrence to bridge our path north, if that's where we intend to go. Of course, we sift through the pieces of alternative view point and decide which will help us grow in the direction we want, or which to take with a grain of salt, a shot of tequila, and a prayer for the good of all involved because sometimes that next day can really creep up on you and you have to think about these things when you're an adult.

You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.

I like being around people who help me grow, who challenge me when I'm wrong, and who know when to stop talking even if I'm wrong because maybe I can't handle admitting it in that moment. Good friends know this because they're connected like that.

In my seemingly infinite amounts of free time and flow, I'm savoring the connections that enhance me and examining those that bring out the less savory parts of myself.

Flowers and weeds both grow toward the light, but the adoration of one over the other is obvious.

Going Without

A month of obligation-free summer looms before me. And sometime last week, I made the decision to do something I’ve never done before: nothing.

No plans, no trips out of town, no schedule. 

In fact the only thing on my agenda is to explore what life feels like when I have nothing but time. You know, that thing we all think we need more of.

In our everyday lives, we get too busy to call our moms or work out or complete any of those “someday” projects that we always talk about but rarely do. We become too busy to do anything other than manage our hectic schedules and zone out in front of the TV at the end of the night. And then repeat it all the next day and live for the weekend when we can relax and feel some sort of relief from what is really just life.

But what happens when all that goes away? What’s left? Is it a void? Is it boredom? Is it happiness?

I spent years working non-stop. It wasn’t enough that I worked full time. I did coaching gigs on the side and published two novels. I bought a big house and filled it full of things I thought I needed like big TVs, nice furniture, and shoes. I went to the gym in the morning and avoided processed foods and stayed up-to-date on the latest trends. I was constantly exhausted and overwhelmed, yet I thought I was fulfilled. I thought I was living.

Except I wasn’t. I was simply surviving. Numbing. Avoiding.

Somehow--thankfully-- I woke up one day and asked myself what it was I really needed to thrive.

In The Power of Intention Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “realize how little you need in order to be satisfied and at peace.”

I didn’t need the house (besides property tax is ridiculous here). I didn’t need 40 pair of boots. I didn’t need to fill my time endlessly with tasks, because in the end, what I was really doing was avoiding an emptiness that would never be filled, no matter how big my closet or impressive my resume.

I sold the house. I downsized my closet (down to 10 pair of boots!). I found the beauty in sunsets and still moments, where sometimes the only thing to do was sit in silence and find the joy in the scent of a lit candle and the feeling of the ocean air breezing through my patio door. I looked inside myself to figure out who I really was and what I was contributing to the world. Some of it was good. Some of it sucked. Some (read: most) of it I’m still figuring out.

In theory, I’m happy now, or at least striving to be every day. In theory, I live a humble life where I explore nature and meditate and drink green juice (because it makes me feel good, not because it’s trendy, duh). I believe that if you’re truly happy, you can be happy anywhere, anytime, with anything or anyone. Or without, as it were.

Knowing who we are and what we really stand for is where we find our sense of purpose. Trying to find peace or happiness or love through external circumstances, possessions, or people will never be enough.

Life is about living through the heart, and the only way to do that is to go within.

Someday is elusive...life is happening now.

Life is happening now.

A year from now, you will wish you started today.

The best time to start was yesterday. The next best time to start is now.

I could go on and on with quotes about how we only have right now, but quotes are meaningless unless you actually understand them. Actually, maybe what I really want to say is that quotes are meaningless unless you apply them. Live them. Synthesize your knowledge with your life and then you have wisdom.

 But I digress.

I’ve been living my life waiting for “someday.” Someday I’ll stop eating sugar because I know how awful it makes me feel. Someday I’ll get better at keeping in touch with the friends I rarely see. Someday I’ll start writing again.

Someday has been a long time coming. I’ve had these vague goals for a couple of years. But I haven’t given up cookies and processed foods completely (I have the tight pants to prove it), if my mom calls and I’m tired I’ll probably let it go to voicemail, and I can’t remember the last time I sat down and worked on my latest writing project.

Someday hasn’t come around in two years. At this rate, it might never.  Someday is elusive. Life is happening now.

And if life is happening now…that means the me that I am right now…is who I am. Which begs the question…am I proud of who I am right now? Am I who I want to be right now? Because being anyone other than the person you want to be is settling.

And I refuse to settle. Life is too short to settle, to keep putting off what you want to do, where you want to go, or who you want to be.

And what I know about myself is that I want to be the one who is acting rather than speaking, going rather than thinking, and achieving rather than dreaming.

Life is now. The time is now. Live life in a way that makes you proud right now. Because right now is all there is.